Day One

   The story always begins at the beginnig but what happens when the beginning of a story is so boring because it is so ordinary and is like eveyone else's story. That is how the beginning of my story is I had the normal childhood, two amazing parents who loved me more than I thought was possible and were always there for us three girls. My dad and my mom were our soccer coaches and later my dad was our softball coach. We always ate dinner together at the dinner table and atleast twice a week was game night at our house. My middle sister was my best friend and everything was perfect. Well to a young little girl that is how it would seem. Perfect parents, perfect family, perfect life. I could do anything.
   Well as we grow up we begin to learn the faults of our parents and we begin to define ourselves, see normal typical ordinary life. But this is where my story begins the akward years of learning who I was and who I wanted to become. I was the musicially "gifted" one in the family, my middle sister was the jock and my older sister was the brain and fashionista. And with this roll came the outcast life I began to lead. up until recent years I could not figure out why I did not get along with people and why being alone and sitting at home was always a better choice but now it all makes sense. To me the world moved a little differently and everything about it was a little different. The ways people acted and thought about one another was different than what I felt was right. I did not have to always do what was cool and in I just had to make it through.
   About ninth grade I was starting to bud alittle and began to get to know more people, painful and creepy. Most people intimidated me because I always felt they were judging or once they learned the truth they would start to judge. So to fix the problem of anyone ever knowing the truth, I lied... Not about big stuff but little lies here and there. This I learned would bite me in the bud later, and  I am greatful to say lying is no longer a part of me. Well to give you a hint of where all this outcast feeling and lying is better comes from, my dad was an alcoholic and everyone lied to me about it. My mom and older sisters lied to me to protect me from the truth like good family members do and my dad lied to the world. Now, I am not going to say he did not try but sometimes it felt like he was just going through the motions to stop drinking. He was sober for seven years but after a lifetime of fighting the battle eventually it was too late.
   Now writing this I need you to know, I love my family and I would not trade them for anything, not any bad memory I had or any moment hard to bear they are the reason I am whom I am and to this day they all still mean the world to me and I would do anything for them. So why wrtie this, well because this is what is constantly going through my head and I feel it is time to come out. Therapy if you will and a way to make it all make sense. This is the beginning of my journey to the pack