I just don't know

We all make choices in our lives that are either good or bad. We don't always see the point in why and what the outcome will be but we still follow and make that hard choice. Yesterday after days of prayer I walked away from a friendship, a long lasting friendship at that. I have known this person for about eight years now and I honestly love them deeply. They were one of my best friends for the last eight years and slowly we have been drifting apart. We started drifting apart about 4 years ago. In the beginning I saw him on a regular bases and we would go out to eat after church and hang out. We were really close. They went off to college out of state and I stayed here, we talked every once and awhile but not as much as we use to. Then they moved back and I moved away to Boone for school. Again we talked every once and awhile. And on one occasion my old church group made a trip up there for a weekend retreat. My friend called me when they were at Walmart and I rushed there. I was greeted with the biggest hug and the warmest smile. I was never so happy. We as always kept in touch. A year and a half ago my dad died and guess who I called? Yup thats right I called him and he was there for me. He even said he would come to the hospital but I told him no. It was enough just knowing I could call him. When I moved back here we saw each other on a more regular basis and really tried to spend time together. Then we just got busy, our friendship went to just texting and the occasional phone call. The last time I saw him we were both having the worst weeks ever and were too busy to stop and see each other so I drove and met him at work for a quick hi and how are you. We ended up sitting in the parking lot for a hour or so and just talking. The following week was our birthdays. See our birthdays are one day apart and we always wish each other happy birthday with a phone call and this year I got a post on facebook and that was it. It stung a little and then on his birthday he was too busy to talk when I called him because he was out to lunch (which is understandable) but then he never called me back and we never talked. I think that was the start of our demise. We talked it through and then everything was ok. Then we just got too busy and in two months I did not see him. That got hard and we ended up getting into a fight again and we stopped talking. I have never been so hurt or so empty not having his opinion on issues and situations that came up. Like I said he knew everything and we talked about everything. Throughout the next month and a half I prayed about the situation, and I prayed that everything would be ok and we would make it through this argument. Around the 4th of July we made up and I thought, "Thank you God, I really missed him." But it wasn't the same, there wasn't that there for you through anything feel and I felt as though nothing really changed and everything wasn't fixed. So I went back to praying, a lot. And after a texted saying I needed to talk to him about my sister's wedding (he was suppose to be my date for it) He called and I missed it, I called him back and he missed it, then there was no returned call. I prayed real hard that night for an answer and for the first time I prayed God would give me the strength to let him go. I know that sounds weird but letting go of someone who had been so consistent in your life for so long is hard. AND painful. The next day I knew what I had to do and I had a peace about telling him goodbye. I sent him an email because I couldn't get out the words without crying and I knew we were only hurting each other by trying to make our friendship be what it was that I was sure we would end up just hating each other and I would rather have all the amazing memories with him of the good days instead of remembering the major fight that tore us apart. So I let him go and that has been the hardest thing I have done. He is an amazing guy who is kind, caring and genuine and I owe much of my strength to him because he helped me through so much. But if you are reading this say a prayer that I will stay strong to my decision and I will find Strength in God rather then someone else.