Life As I Know It

"A journey begins with a step, and an adventure begins with a ticket." A journey that we call life begins with that single step that leads us in one direction or the other, and after that initial step we begin the long journey down the path to a road unknown. But, an adventure begins with a ticket, not always a literal ticket but some times it is a literal ticket. For me days have come and gone, adventures have come and gone. Life has passed me by with me wondering where it has gone. The best part about it though, for the first time ever, I am living life. I am engaged in the world around me and experiencing it. I am not sitting on the sidelines of my life waiting to take part. I am there experiencing life, laughing, singing, dancing, interacting in a way I have waited to live. Not that I was not a part of life before, I was just a side character in someone else's life. I faded into the background forgetting that I am a lead character. I have been sitting at the train station with my ticket waiting to get on the train.
Just a few highlights of the last few I don't know how long: I graduated college, started teaching, met some of the most wonderful people that I am blessed to live life with daily, laughed, danced, got a few more tattoos, been hurt by people I truly love, faced demons that I have ran away from for years, found courage, strength, truth, enjoyed a cup of coffee with beautiful women in Kenya on a rainy day, hopped on a plane to Kenya by myself to love on adorable children in Kenya, applied to grad school and found out the person God has called me to be and has been waiting for me to find. I stood up from the bench and stepped onto the train. 
Each moment of the last years has not been perfect, sweet, fairytale like. They haven't even been easy a lot of the time. There have been tough, painful, ugly, and dangerous moments; but along the road that I have been walking I have learned the greatest thing I could ever learn. I have learned me. I have learned I can be imperfect and still be loved. That seems something so simple but for years I have been something I am not, or tried to be and I have been trying to be perfect. So, learning it was ok to be imperfect is beautiful. I for the first time in my life, am defined as a daughter of the most High God, and nothing else. 
It is time to tell the stories and share the adventures, the truths I have learned and the beauty in all of it. 

A Beautiful Vision

As the time is drawing closer to graduation, I am reminded of how God made me. As I see my self from day to day is a neurotic, OCD, too much of a planner. This is something I have realized with the exciting end to a 3 1/2 year adventure at school, to graduation day and not having a clue what was to come. For me the neurotic, OCD, too much of a planner, that is the scariest thing I could possibly think of. Not because I am going into the "grown-up world" but because I don't have a plan.... For the first time, since I do not know when, I do not have even a glimpse of what is in store for me. Do I take a receptionist position and just sneak by? Or do I jump into the waters of public school and take a chance on the challenge of teaching in some fashion.
See for me even the jobs that I have worked I knew I could do. I knew I could succeed at them and I knew I could do my best without falling to hard on my face... I know, we have all had moments like this but as of this weekend I felt trapped, trapped by the coming event of graduation and not having a plan, the realization that I will not be going to school this summer or next fall but instead I will have a whole new life. As you are reading this you may be wondering why am I rambling on about this, we here is the great lesson I have learned from this.
One, I am accepted for who I am as the neurotic, OCD, too much of a planner, and through an outreach email for prayer about the next couple of months. But I learn that I am beautifully made by my creator to be this way. Although, I do not always feel that this is my best side for the first time ever, I am resting in the knowledge of who I was created to be. This has been my resting point since Monday, when I gave into my insecurity of people seeing the real me and allowed people to not only walk with me on this journey but also love me as I am. 
The most encouraging words I could have received were, "Thanks for letting us care for you an pray for you - blessed to be a part of your life and have you in mine, I will be praying." or "Praying for you, dear friend. Let me know if I can do anything to help! Walking this road with you." or "I love you and will be praying for you" or all the other words that were written to me as encouragement to know that I am loved for being the way I am. Not once did someone write I was wrong for being they way I am but instead they encouraged me to be me but also lean on God. 
This is a glimpse of the Love that our creator has for each of us, as Matt a pastor at the Church I attend said, "God is a doting father, that just delights in watching His children." He delights in all of our weaknesses and wants us to seek His wisdom when we are weak. I think that is enough thought for now and I will leave you with this, find rest in who you are and know that you are loved just the way you are, if you are surrounded by people who do not see your greatness and only your flaws, let go of them and seek out those that see you for you and love you as God loves you and loves them, and spread that gift in return of loving as God loves us. 
Happy Wednesday 

It Really is the Little Things in Life

Today, I have been sitting at a coffee shop ignoring all responsibilities that have been put on my plate today. As we are sitting here all of a sudden my friend says, "it's the little things in life," and we all got talking about how the little things from day to day are the things that matter and make a person's day awesome or not so awesome. This statement is so true, a word that someone says to you can hurt and ruin your day or it can make a once horrible day better. Not even the words of a friend but the words of a stranger. This got me to thinking, how often do we not think about the little things that we do or say and how we effect the people around us? What are we doing as a society to support and love one another? Yes, they are just words but as people living in a world together connected by so many different things do you not think we should be loving and supportive of one another and building each other up? How better would your day be if someone you do not know took the time to be a little more considerate of you and what you have going on, they looked at the little things. So, for me and my thought today, I will choose to be a little thing that brightens someone's day rather than tear it down. And what about you? What will you choose, to tear someone down or to brighten their day a little? I ask you to think about it and to at least for one day try to do it a little different and see what a difference it make. Love, peace and grace to you all and know that you are loved by the God Most High.

A long time gone...

As the title suggests it has been quite some time since I have written anything on here. As per usual, life has bee never changing, ever moving and never stopping. But for the first time in I do not know how long, I feel in control. Well, not in control as I am doing everything but in control as I have finally put my life in the correct hands of the only one who can keep my life in check and that is God. 
For the first time, I am financially stable which has been a foreign concept to me since well, my whole life. And I am not stable with finances because I all of a sudden have tons to spend but my money is not my money but in actuality it is God's money and I am using it to do what he wants me to do with it. 
Take Friday night for example, we went out downtown for our monthly joy of "First Friday" and while sitting at one of my new favorite hot spots "The Remedy" a gentleman walks up to us and he asks us in a quiet ton, "Ma'am would you mind helping me?" My gracious friend Sarah and I started talking to him and he told us he was starving and was wondering if we could buy him some food. Now, for those of you who do not know me, I jumped at the chance to go buy him some dinner, Sarah on the other hand took it a step farther and replies to the man, "Come sit with us and eat." This blew my mind!!!!!!! Instead of taking him somewhere else to get him dinner she said, come sit with us. Immediately I felt ashamed, I was not willing to invite this sweet and gentle man to sit with us but I would jump for the chance to take him some where else to eat. Is he less of a man because he is at a tougher time in his life? No, he is a better man than me because he was just a humble man coming before people. I was an arrogant person who thought he was not good enough.... 
From this I have really evaluated what I think and what the scripture means to me, right then and there I saw what the Bible is talking about when it says in Luke 14:10 "But when you are invited, go and sit in the lowest place, so that when your host comes he may say to you, 'Friend, move up higher.' Then you will be honored in the presence of all who sit at table with you." We have the opportunity to reach out and change the way people see a person who is "homeless" and begin to see them as a friend rather than someone below them.
Today, as i am sitting here thinking about all that has gone on and all that I had wanted to write about has now left me and all I can do is think about this moment in time that was so moving and is such a huge reminder to me that even to this day, the Word of God is still living and active. Although it presents itself in a different way the story is still trying to be told in our world and our journeys today.
Have a wonderful Wednesday and share a little love with everyone you meet today. :o)

Here Is Gone by Goo Goo Dolls

You and I got something 

But it's all then it's nothing to me 

yah 

I got my defenses 

When it comes to your intentions to me 

yah 

And we wake up in the breakdown 

In the things we never thought we could be 

yah 

I'm not the one who broke you 

I'm not the one you should fear 

We've got to move you darling 

I thought I lost you somewhere 

But you were never really ever there at all 

And I want to get free 

Talk to me 

I can fear you falling 

And I won't tempt to be 

All you need 

Somehow here is gone 

I am no solution 

To this sound of dispollution in me 

yah 

And I was not the answer so forget you if ever thought it was me 

yah 

I'm not the one who broke you 

I'm not the one you should fear 

We've got to move you darling 

I thought I lost you somewhere 

But you were never really ever there at all 

And I want to get free 

Talk to me 

I can fear you falling 

And I won't tempt to be 

All you need 

Somehow here is gone 

And I don't need a fall out 

Of all the past that's here between us 

And I'm not holding on 

And all your lies weren't enough to keep me here 

And I want to get free 

Talk to me 

I can fear you falling 

And I won't tempt to be 

All you need 

Somehow here is gone 

And I want to get free 

Talk to me 

I can fear you falling 

I know it's out there 

I know it's out there 

I can fear you falling 

I know it's out there 

I know it's out there 

Somehow here is gone 

I know it's out there 

I know it's out there 

Somehow here is gone 

I just don't know

We all make choices in our lives that are either good or bad. We don't always see the point in why and what the outcome will be but we still follow and make that hard choice. Yesterday after days of prayer I walked away from a friendship, a long lasting friendship at that. I have known this person for about eight years now and I honestly love them deeply. They were one of my best friends for the last eight years and slowly we have been drifting apart. We started drifting apart about 4 years ago. In the beginning I saw him on a regular bases and we would go out to eat after church and hang out. We were really close. They went off to college out of state and I stayed here, we talked every once and awhile but not as much as we use to. Then they moved back and I moved away to Boone for school. Again we talked every once and awhile. And on one occasion my old church group made a trip up there for a weekend retreat. My friend called me when they were at Walmart and I rushed there. I was greeted with the biggest hug and the warmest smile. I was never so happy. We as always kept in touch. A year and a half ago my dad died and guess who I called? Yup thats right I called him and he was there for me. He even said he would come to the hospital but I told him no. It was enough just knowing I could call him. When I moved back here we saw each other on a more regular basis and really tried to spend time together. Then we just got busy, our friendship went to just texting and the occasional phone call. The last time I saw him we were both having the worst weeks ever and were too busy to stop and see each other so I drove and met him at work for a quick hi and how are you. We ended up sitting in the parking lot for a hour or so and just talking. The following week was our birthdays. See our birthdays are one day apart and we always wish each other happy birthday with a phone call and this year I got a post on facebook and that was it. It stung a little and then on his birthday he was too busy to talk when I called him because he was out to lunch (which is understandable) but then he never called me back and we never talked. I think that was the start of our demise. We talked it through and then everything was ok. Then we just got too busy and in two months I did not see him. That got hard and we ended up getting into a fight again and we stopped talking. I have never been so hurt or so empty not having his opinion on issues and situations that came up. Like I said he knew everything and we talked about everything. Throughout the next month and a half I prayed about the situation, and I prayed that everything would be ok and we would make it through this argument. Around the 4th of July we made up and I thought, "Thank you God, I really missed him." But it wasn't the same, there wasn't that there for you through anything feel and I felt as though nothing really changed and everything wasn't fixed. So I went back to praying, a lot. And after a texted saying I needed to talk to him about my sister's wedding (he was suppose to be my date for it) He called and I missed it, I called him back and he missed it, then there was no returned call. I prayed real hard that night for an answer and for the first time I prayed God would give me the strength to let him go. I know that sounds weird but letting go of someone who had been so consistent in your life for so long is hard. AND painful. The next day I knew what I had to do and I had a peace about telling him goodbye. I sent him an email because I couldn't get out the words without crying and I knew we were only hurting each other by trying to make our friendship be what it was that I was sure we would end up just hating each other and I would rather have all the amazing memories with him of the good days instead of remembering the major fight that tore us apart. So I let him go and that has been the hardest thing I have done. He is an amazing guy who is kind, caring and genuine and I owe much of my strength to him because he helped me through so much. But if you are reading this say a prayer that I will stay strong to my decision and I will find Strength in God rather then someone else.

My Grandmother's Medal (Back)

My Grandmother was a WASP in World War II and she was honored this march  along with all of the women who served! I am so proud to call her my Grandmother! Not only for that but for all she had done for me and the amazing example she has been to our whole family!